Managing Conflict; Consecrating Ourselves

There will always be some conflict between spouses, even in the best of marriages. What we studied this week is how to deal with conflict. John M. Gottman, in his book: “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, explains that there are two types of conflict. He talks about solvable problems – those that can be dealt with and overcome, and perpetual problems – they will part of your lives forever, so you need to learn to cope with them. Gottman (2015) states, “Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive” (Gottman, 2015, p. 139).

Couples who acknowledge their problems and are able to talk about them will not become overwhelmed with problems. It is important to know which type each problem is, so you can know how to deal with each. When discussing conflicts, Gottman (2015) suggests five steps to use. These steps are 1) use a soft start-up, 2) use effective repair attempts, 3) monitor your physiology for warning signs of flooding, 4) learn how to compromise, and 5) become more tolerant of each other’s imperfections (Gottman, 2015, p. 142).

This last step, become more tolerant of each other’s imperfections, ties into consecration. 

Consecration is surrendering our will to God.  As we do this, we allow God to work in our life and the lives of others, including our spouse. When we surrender to God, we give up all our sins, our expectations, and our will. “This total willingness to sacrifice must not be misunderstood. This is not the same as becoming a gelatinous blob with no form or purpose. This ultimate sacrifice is combined with obedience and informed by the gospel of Jesus Christ to provide an appropriate sacrifice. As God would have it, our whole-soul offerings are likely to bless our partners even as they refine us" (Goddard, 2009, p. 104).

In his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard (2009) explains that consecration helps us use our “spiritual energy to rescue our imperfect partners” (Goddard, 2009, p. 105). We will come to look for the good in our spouse and not let the imperfections bother us. As both partners do this the marriage grows stronger.

Over the years, I have come to understand that the imperfections of my spouse are not that important in the bigger picture of eternity. I have made the conscious effort to not let these small things, or even bigger things, bother me. I know that I have many imperfections, yet my husband still loves and cherishes me. During my studies this week, I have come to understand that as we are repentant and willing to forgive our spouse, as we surrender our will to God, He will sanctify us and our marriage. What a glorious blessing that will be!

Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
Gottman, J.M. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.

Disciple Leadership

Where do I start in describing a disciple leader? We read and watched so many great articles and videos this week. Here are a few of my thoughts from my studies this week.

“A Disciple Preparation Center” was a devotional address given August 31, 2004 at BYU-I by David A. Bednar who was the president of the university at that time. He compared BYU-I with temples as places of learning. In this address he explained what a Disciple Preparation Center (DPC) is. He states, “A disciple is one who follows or attends upon another for the express purpose of learning (Oxford English Dictionary On-Line, second edition, 1989) …The word preparation implies the process of making or getting ready (Oxford English Dictionary On-Line, second edition, 1989) … And one of the common uses of the word center connotes a point from which things and influences originate or emanate (Oxford English Dictionary On-Line, second edition, 1989).” (Bednar, “A Disciple Preparation Center,” 2004.) Bednar explains the importance of learning more than academics. We need to become true disciples of Christ. This will help us in all aspects of our lives.

Kim B. Clark in his commencement address at BYU-Idaho, 2007 explained that great leaders follow Christ’s example of leadership. Clark states, “The call to be a disciple-leader is a call to minister and to serve. It is a call to lead as Christ leads. It is leadership with a small “L” – the kind of leadership that builds and lifts and inspires through kindness and love and unselfish devotion to the Lord and His work.” (Kim B. Clark, “Leadership with a Small ‘L’,” www2.byui.edu.)

According to Clark there are three principles that the Savior used as a leader.

1. Lead by Example
2. Lead with Vision
3. Lead with Love

In his closing remarks, Clark says, “I pray that no matter where you go, no matter what you do, you will always be disciples of the Savior and lead by example with vision and love.” (Kim B. Clark, “Leadership with a Small ‘L’,” www2.byui.edu.)

Jim Ritchie

We watched two video segments from Jim Ritchie, Achieving Higher Ground and Good to Great. “A true leader is someone who takes people to higher ground. They have changed the faces of history.” (Jim Ritchie, “Achieving Higher Ground”, The Ministry of Business Course, Video, 2012, accessed August 27, 2018.) Ritchie explains that great leaders motivate people by their example and conviction. They stand for important issues.

From the second video Ritchie states:

“We were not sent to this earth to be mediocre, but to be great.”

• Good is the enemy to great! - Most good people find a comfort zone in their goodness.
• Get the right people on the bus. –  Then decide where to use them. Don’t waste time with those who are not good.
• Possess these 3 Characteristics: 1) Great Product, 2) Believe you’re the best, 3) Passion for your product – If any of these 3 are missing you will be a good, but not great company.

(Jim Ritchie, “Good to Great”, The Ministry of Business Course, Video, 2012, accessed August 27, 2018.)

In an article from Acton Foundation for Entrepreneurial Excellence I learned that the “rarest skill is the ability to execute. This article explained that most people when given a task to complete start by asking a question without starting the project as needed. Most people are not self-starters who stay on task to complete the job. The most important challenges we will face are within ourselves. Overcoming things that hold us back is more important than other skills we can acquire.

This week we have learned that ‘becoming’ is the most important element of being a great leader. When we lead by example, vision and love we will be the self-starter that can do things to change the world.

Overcoming Challenges

Have you ever heard a story that did not include challenges or problems? The main character always faces the unknown. He must walk paths without knowing the outcome of his journey. The life of an entrepreneur is the same. We walk an unknown path without knowing how our journey will end. We will face challenges undreamed of, but as we preserver we will overcome.

In our studies this week we learned about the important things that can help us overcome challenges that we will face. We did not discuss specific challenges, everyone's will be different. There are specific tools that can help in any situation with any challenge.

 Pray and have faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ.

“Pray always and be believing” (D&C 90:24.) Jeffrey R. Holland, in a 1999 Conference address said, “Every one of us has times when we need to know things will get better…For emotional health and spiritual stamina, everyone needs to be able to look forward to some respite, to something pleasant and renewing and hopeful, whether that blessing be near at hand or still some distance ahead. It is enough to know we can get there, that however measured or far away, there is the promise of ‘good things to come.’

        

 My declaration is that this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need… It is the very Son of God Himself.” (Holland, 1999, paragraph 2.) He also stated, “Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He know your fears. He hears your prayers.” (Holland, 1999, paragraph 8.) With faith in our Savior and asking God through prayer for His help, we will be able to overcome anything that makes us stumble or fall on our journey.

Perseverance

When challenges show up we may be tired and want to quit. We need to keep on moving, learning, and growing. “Don’t give up, boy. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead – a lot of it… You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and Believe in good things to come.” (Holland, 1999, paragraph 20.) At another time as president of BYU, Holland said: “When days are difficult or problems seem unending, I plead with you to stay in the harness and keep pulling…it will require your heart and a willing mind. It will require that you stay at your post and keep trying.” (Jeffery R. Holland, However Long and Hard the Road, 1983, BYU Devotional, pg. 3)

Keep a sense of humor

Humor can help us in challenging times. Sometimes we need to step back and just laugh; laugh at ourselves, at the circumstances, but not at other people. Humor is a way to diffuse many situations. Laughter may not make our challenges leave, but we will have a better outlook.

Becoming

We need to remember that part of any journey is who we become through the process. When we face challenges, we will see aspects of who we are that were not visible in the easy part of our journey. “I would like to just shout at you to see in yourself what I see in you. The only limitations you have are those you set on yourselves…sometimes we cannot recognize the real purpose and significance of the moment which is ours to experience. That’s because too many of us learn only through our heads and not through our hearts!” (Patricia Holland, “However Long and Hard the Road, 1983, BYU Devotional, pg. 2)

Dreams and Visions

When times are hard one thing that can help us is the dreams of what we are working for. Many people design a “vision board” to help them focus and remember the things they are working for. This can be a strength when challenges show up on your path. “As you wage …wars, obviously part of the strength to ‘hang in there’ comes from some glimpse, however faint and fleecing, of what victory can be. It is as true now as when Solomon said it that ‘where there is no vision, the people perish’ (Proverbs 29:18). If your eyes are always on your shoelaces, if all you can see is…this disappointment or that dilemma, then it really is quite easy to throw in the towel and stop the fight. But what if it is the fight of your life?” (Jeffery R. Holland, However Long and Hard the Road, 1983, BYU Devotional, pg. 5)

These are just a few things we can turn to when challenges and problems arise on our journey, the journey to entrepreneurship and the journey of life.

Have Faith! Pray! Dream! Persevere! Laugh! Become!

Beware of Pride

Pride. 

I always like to define a word, so I know exactly what I am learning about. So, I looked up the word "pride" in a current, online dictionary. It is defined as “a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.” (Pride, 2018,  OxfordDictionaries.com) That is our modern definition of “pride”. I do not think that was the meaning of the word when the Bible and Book of Mormon were written. I next checked the Webster’s 1828 on-line dictionary and found this definition: “Inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one’s own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others.” (Webster's, 1828,) Quite a difference in these two definitions!

This to me is a great example of how word meanings have changed over time. Most people today think that “pride” is a good thing to have. We have pride in our accomplishments, pride in the success of our children, we show pride in the work we do – pride helps us to do our best. How then is pride a sin? How does pride lead to destruction, heartache, and sorrow?

President Ezra Taft Benson states:

“Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance. In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride – it is always considered a sin. Therefore, no matter how the world uses the term, we must understand how God uses the term so we can understand the language of holy writ and profit thereby” (Benson, 1989, para. 8). Pride is the absence of humility. When we are humble, we want what is best for others. In marriage, pride leads us to put our own desires and needs over those of our spouse. When we are humble, we will see our own mistakes and be able to repent.

Over the years of my marriage, I have come to see the importance of putting my husband’s needs and desires before my own. This is not to say, that I allow my spouse to trample on me or that I am a submissive wife without needs and desires of my own. If both of us treat our spouse with love and respect, repenting when needed, we will be strengthened in our relationship. We need to look at ourselves and ‘fix’ our own faults, not look at ways to ‘fix’ or change our spouse.

“…any time we feel irritated with our spouses, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance but an invitation to call ourselves to repent. We are irritated because of our own lack of faith and humility” (Goddard, 2009, p. 77). This can be a tool for us in knowing when we are letting pride creep into our marriage. 

Ezra Taft Benson states, “Another face of pride is contention… 

Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away… the scriptures tell us that ‘only by pride cometh contention’ (Prov. 13:10)” (Benson, 1989, para. 30).

I choose to be humble and repentant. I choose to look at myself and see how I am prideful and how I can be a better wife.

Benson, Ezra Taft. May 1989. "Beware of Pride" in Ensign, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Goddard, H. W. (2009) Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
Pride. (n.d.). In Oxford Dictionary online. Retrieved from https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/pride.
Pride. (n.d.). In Webster's Dictionary 1828 online. Retrieved from https://webstersdictionary1828.com/dictionary/pride.

Moving Forward with a Driving Passion

How does the successful entrepreneur move forward? How do you find the passion that will drive you to keep moving on? This week we looked at some resources that can help us on this journey.

First, we studied a talk by Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This talk was given over 20 years ago but is still applicable to us today. President Hinckley tells us that the most important things we need to do in life are to “Stand True and Faithful.” This, in fact, is the title given to his talk. He admonishes to be true to our faith, our selves, to our parents and heritage, to those around us, and to our God. He tells us that as we are true and honest we will see the good in others and help lift them. We need to always start with the spiritual aspect of anything we do.

We studied a summary of the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey. The seven habits addressed by Covey include the first three to develop private victories, the second three to help us with public victories, and the seventh habit is to help us improve the effectiveness of all areas of life.

Obtaining and following these seven habits will help us move forward on our journey.

We finished studying the book: “Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-term Fulfillment.” by George Leonardo. Here are a few of my thoughts from this book:

“Mastering the Commonplace” was the greatest ‘aha’ chapter in my study. He tells us that we can be “Master” of anything and everything in our lives. He takes us along a path of the mundane, daily tasks in our lives. Once we know the “Master’s” keys, we can apply them to everything we do. We can be a master at mowing the lawn, washing the dishes, or any job we need to do. Leonard calls the time used for these daily tasks as the “in between time.” This is “the stuff we have to take care of before getting on to the things that count. But if you stop to think about it, most of life is ‘in between.’ When goal orientation comes to dominate our thoughts, little that seems to really count is left…Could all of us reclaim the lost hours of our lives by making everything – the commonplace along with the extraordinary – a part of our practice?” (Leonard, George, Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-term Fulfillment, A Plume Book, 1992, pg.142.) We can practice being a master in each task we undertake, no matter how small or insignificant they seem. That, to me is a powerful statement and very liberating. Maybe I do not have to find a huge purpose for my life. Maybe, my purpose is to be a master at all I do. A master at being a daughter of God. A master wife and mother, sister and daughter. A master at being a good friend. I can strive to be a master in all the different areas of my life.

So, how do we get started on this journey? 

As Leonard said at the end of his book – 

We need to only take the first step – 

What not take that step today?

Staying Emotionally Connected

In the Doctrine and Covenants section 64, verse 33 we read “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”
Staying connected emotionally with our spouse is done by small and simple things. John M. Gottman, Ph.D. refers to this as his third principle for making marriage work. He calls it “Turning Toward” each other (Gottman, 2015, p.87).

In our day to day interaction with our spouse we build trust and emotional connection. Gottman refers to the little things we do for each other as making deposits in our “emotional bank account”. These are simple things such as acknowledging the feelings of your spouse, a simple touch as you pass by, sharing similar beliefs, interests, and goals. “Having a surplus in your emotional bank account is what makes romance last and gets you through hard times, bad moods, and major life changes” (Gottman,  2015, pg. 88). When hard times come in life, we can draw upon the resources in our “bank account” to help us navigate through them.

Often marriage is explained as a triangle, the two bottom points are husband and wife, the top point being God. As we each draw closer to God, we become closer to each other. In his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard, PhD, states “When our focus is on the unpleasant and mundane, we trivialize everything… we bicker and bristle and fail to claim the blessings that God has offered… 

When we have the eternal perspective on our marriages, everything is different…When we have vibrant faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, we know that the irritations and challenges of marriage are blessings intended to develop our character” (Goddard, 2009, pp. 58-59).

We will grow closer as a couple as we see our marriage as an eternal unit. We know that just as we have faults and weaknesses, that can be changed through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, our spouse also is not perfect. He too, can overcome his faults and weaknesses through the Atonement. As we seek to draw closer to God by improving ourselves, we strengthen our relationship with our spouse.

A few months ago, I realized that when my husband was talking about his day, I was not fully listening to him. I decided that I needed to be a more active listener, putting down my phone, turning off my computer, and really trying to hear what he was saying. This has helped me to be more interested in his day, the ups and downs he has, and to be more connected with what he is saying. This is just one small example of how we can ‘turn toward’ our spouse.

In his book, Gottman (2015) gives us four exercises that can help us in filling our “emotional bank accounts” so we can weather the storms that come in life. We need to work at this during the good times, so we have strong emotional bonds for when hard times come. Those who do not have this bond in marriage are not able to cope and seek emotional support elsewhere.

As stated in the scripture I shared at the beginning of this post, it is through ‘small things’ that we can build our eternal marriage. I encourage you to look at your marriage and ask if you can strengthen it more by ‘turning towards’ your spouse and drawing closer to God. I testify that these are true principles that can help each of us on this journey through life.


Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
Gottman, J.M. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.

Becoming an Entrepreneur

Entrepreneurs need to have knowledge in many different areas. According to the Acton Business School, there are three critical areas of knowledge for starting a business:

1. In-depth knowledge of the industry of your business - You must know the history of the industry, competitors, suppliers, customers, and barriers. Typically, you will need to spend years learning all you can about the industry.
2. Skills to run the daily operations of a business – You need an understanding of day to day operations of any business. Topics include, production, accounting, administration, conflict resolution, and organization. You need to determine the business culture and ensure all of these areas are aligned with company ideals.
3. Ability to raise money – “Money is the fuel for a start-up business. Fail to raise it or run out before the venture turns cash-flow positive, and your business will die.” (So You Want to Be an Entrepreneur? Don’t Jump in Unprepared., Acton Foundation for Entrepreneurial Excellence, ActonFoundation.org.)

  

Building a business is time consuming and stressful. Much time will be dedicated to building the business. We need to prioritize and plan, so we do not lose sight of the most important things in our lives. Jan Newman, in a speech give at BYU, said to never let our loyalty to the Lord and our family be comprised. (See Newman, Jan, “Loyalty to God and Family”, March 7, 2011.)

N. Eldon Tanner, in an April 1975 General Conference address said, “Satan is continually at work, and in his cunning way tempts us through our appetites and passions and friends to do those things which are not right and proper for us to do. Too often, not only our youth, but some of the brethren in high places succumb to temptation. We must be on the job all the time guarding against evil. We must never relax or forget who we are and what we are trying to accomplish.” 

We need to put our God and our family first. We need to always be on guard against temptations that Satan uses to pull us down. He will use any tactic that will make us stumble and fall.

Wences Casares, of Lemon Bank gave three things for entrepreneurs to remember:

1. Entrepreneurship is a calling that chooses us – it is inescapable.
2. Time is our most valuable asset.
3. Entrepreneurs create the most value by doing the same thing for a very long time. 

As you can see, the journey of an entrepreneur is long and often lonely. One needs to be most certain of the path chosen to follow. This is not an easy journey, but in the end, it will be most rewarding as long as we are true to our inner compass. Remember to stay loyal to your God and your family. Stay true to your core values. Put in the work needed and learn the skills that will help you achieve. It is doable!

Cherishing Your Spouse

What does the word ‘cherish’ mean? Webster’s 1828 dictionary (webstersdictionary1828.com) gives this definition:

1.      To treat with tenderness and affection; to give warmth, ease or comfort to.

2.      To hold as dear; to embrace with affection; to foster and encourage.

3.      To treat in a manner to encourage growth, by protection, aid, attendance, or supplying nourishment.

So, how do we cherish our spouse? We need to treat them tenderly and with affection. We need to hold them dear and with affection. And we need to encourage them to grow, giving them aid any way we can.

  

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John M. Gottman (2015), talks about love maps. He says, “...emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. I call this having a richly detailed love map – my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life” (Gottman, 2015, p.54.) Gottman talks about knowing our spouse in intimate ways. This he says will be a powerful buffer against tough times in marriage. The more we know about our spouse, his past, dreams, trials and stressors, his favorite things, and important events in his life, the more we will have positive feelings for him.

Henry B. Eyring, in a 2009 Conference talk speaking of God’s plan for families, stated: “He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is. And the sorrow comes primarily from selfishness, which is the absence of love” (Eyring, 2009). Our loving Heavenly Father knows each of us and has designed the way for us to learn here in this mortal life. Being part of a family is the best setting for us to learn the things that will help us the most. Part of this learning is becoming a better person. We need to seek ways to learn and grow, becoming better in the process.

Elder Eyring suggests that we “Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion”(Eyring, 2009).

I remember when this talk was given, almost 10 years ago. I have taken this advice and prayed to see the good in my husband, to see him as God sees him. I have such great love for my husband and know that he has many great qualities that make him unique. As I have come to look for and see these good qualities, the things he does that use to bother me now seem small and insignificant. There are times when I let negative thoughts creep in, but I can quickly change my thought pattern by remember his good qualities and all the good memories we have made together.

Gottman (2015) gives exercises for couples to do to help them determine quality of their love maps. In the following chapters, he gives steps to building or developing a better love map. The first step is to “nurture your fondness and admiration.” (Gottman, 2015) He also tells us to look for the good in our spouse. “…fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt. If you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you are less likely to act disgusted with him or her when you disagree.” This book is a great resource for all married couples; we can all improve ourselves and our marriages.

Gottman, J.M. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.
Eyring, Henry B. November 2009. “Our Perfect Example”, Ensign, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Behaviors That Negatively Affect Marriage

John M. Gottman, PH.D., wrote a book entitled: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. In the first few chapters he talks about his work as a therapist, studies on marriage, and what behaviors really affect marriage negatively. On page two of his book, he states, “I can predict whether a couple will divorce after watching and listening to them for just fifteen minutes.” (Gottman, 2015) Most people think that communication, or the lack of, is the number one cause of marriage failure. Gottman tells us, he does not agree with this. “Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. Rather than creating a climate of disagreement and resistance, they embrace each other’s needs…. This positive attitude not only allows them to maintain but also to increase the sense of romance, play, fun, adventure, and learning together that are the heart of any long-lasting love affair. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.” (Gottman, 2015, pp. 4-5.)

We need to continually work to make our marriage successful. We need to work together, as a team. We need to understand that our spouse, just like our self, is not perfect. We need to be able to look past their faults and only look for the good. Forgiveness, friendship, and understanding are essential elements of a happy marriage.

Several years ago, I was not feeling very connected with my spouse. I was a busy mom; doing all the things that we do to take care of home and family. My husband was self-employed and spent many hours at work. I began to be irritated with things my spouse did or did not do. I was not in a good place as a wife. I went to the Lord in prayer seeking to be able to remember the love that I had for my spouse when we married. The idea came to me to write down one or two reasons each day of why I was thankful for my spouse. I began to do this, noting all the reasons I was grateful for my husband. After a few weeks I began to see him in a different light. I again saw all the many reasons I fell in love with him, all the ways he blessed my life, and the way that God sees him. This exercise has helped me to view my husband as someone with many great qualities. He may not be perfect at everything, but he is perfect for me; he is my best friend!

Gottman, J.M. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.

Mastery: Skills, Character, or Luck?

What is mastery? Webster’s 1828 online dictionary (www.webstersdictionary1828.com)  defines mastery as eminent skill; superior dexterity or attainment of eminent skill or power. With this definition and through my studying this week, I see mastery as becoming someone better by the skills we obtain and through the character we build.

In studying this week, we watched a video of a talk given at BYUI by Brian Carter, entitled, A Hero’s Journey. In this video Carter speaks about ‘becoming’. He encourages the students to ‘live a life of meaning’. He gives three questions to ask at the end of one’s life – that we should ponder and ask ourselves regularly. These questions are:

We all have special gifts and callings in life. We need to continually search for our gifts. Our mission is to use these special gifts to help others. We can find our mission by asking ourselves several questions. What am I good at doing? What do I enjoy doing? We can also ask others what they see that we are good at doing. Often others can see our strengths clearer than we see.

Elder James E. Faust said, “Success is usually earned by persevering and not becoming discouraged when we encounter challenges.” “Perseverance is demonstrated by those who keep going when the going gets tough, who don’t give up even when others say, ‘It can’t be done.’” (Faust, James E., Perseverance, April 2005 General Conference, www.lds.org. pg. 2.) Those who learn to persevere will find strength to continue when the journey gets tough.

                                          

We also need to know that successful entrepreneurs do not travel alone. Choosing mentors, those who have already made the journey to where we want to go, is important. Look for others who can give you help along the way, those who will inspire you and help lift you when you fall.

Becoming is more important than how much money you make. Live your life so every moment matters. Be a master of your time, your money – spend less than you make, and your character.

A Life Well Lived - How Will You Measure Your Life?

This lesson was great! We complete reading the book, The Ministry of Business: How Correct Principles Magnify Business Success by Steven A. Hitz with James W. Ritchie. This is a powerful book that I would recommend to anyone who is interested in starting their own business. Actually, I would recommend that everyone read it as it has true principles that can help anyone, in any work situation. James (Jim) Ritchie started the Launching Leaders program that uses these same principles to help people in the business world learn and implement these principles.

Personal Constitution

“A Personal Constitution is a document to guide your life.” (Steven A. Hitz, The Ministry of Business: How Correct Principles Magnify Business Success, (The Ministry of Business, LLC) 2012, p. 143. This document will help you plan who you want to become and how you will achieve becoming that person. The first thing to do is make a list of short phrases or words to describe who you want to be. Next you will prioritize this list; this is very important as it will set the precedence of choices you will face. After this start making goals, both long term and short term. Now you can make daily task lists to help you achieve your goals. Following these simple steps will help you become a better person in all aspects of your life.

Deconstruction Your Fears

This was a good assignment for me. I tend to think of the worst things that can happen, you know, the ‘what ifs’. Most of the time these things never do happen. This exercise gave me tools to use to look at my fears, see ways to overcome them, and how to start over if they do happen. However, the greatest lesson for me is that most times are fears are like the monster in the closet of a small child’s mind; it is not there, never was there, and it never will be there!

Face your fears and reduce their power over you!

How Will My Life Measure?

Clayton M. Christensen, a Harvard Business Professor, gives his students three questions to ask themselves at the end of the semester:

•     Will I be happy in my career?
•     What about my relationships?
•      How do I stay out of jail?

(See “How Will You Measure Your Life?”, Harvard Business Review, July-August 2010.)

As we strive to become a person of integrity and righteousness, we will be better able to help and bless other people. In the end, this is what will bring us joy and happiness. I want to make a difference in the world. I want to give to others. I want to love others as Jesus Christ loves each of us.

Eternal Marriage

All my young life my greatest desire was to marry and have a family. Growing up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was taught about temples and temple marriage. Marriage was always an important goal I had, and I wanted to have a temple marriage.

In Webster’s 1828 dictionary marriage is defined as: “The act of uniting a man and woman for life; the legal union of a man and woman for life. marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.”

This is a great definition of a civil or contractual marriage. Two people contract with each other to be married until death. 

What is different about a temple marriage?                  

A temple marriage is performed in sacred temples, houses of God, by a priesthood authority. These sacred buildings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are found all over the world. A temple marriage is sealed by priesthood power for time (mortal life) and all eternity. This marriage does not end with death. As both partners are obedient to God’s laws and the covenants made to each other, their marriage will continue forever. Children born under this marriage are also sealed to their parents for eternity.

Ezra Taft Benson, a past president of the Church stated, “The temple is an ever-present reminder that God intends the family to be eternal.” –  Eternal marriage and families are part of God’s Plan of Happiness for His children. He wants us, His children to have joy, to progress, and to return to His presence after we die. Eternal marriage, in holy temples, and obedience to the commandments are the only way we can return to His presence.

Salt Lake City Utah Temple

In an address given in 2006, David A. Bednar stated, “Eternal marriage is not merely a temporary legal contract that can be terminated at any time for almost any reason. Rather, it is a sacred covenant with God that can be binding in time and throughout all eternity. Faithfulness and fidelity in marriage must not simply be attractive words spoken in sermons; rather, they should be principles evident in our own covenant marriage relationships.”

Oakland California Temple

                Marriage is not always easy. When two people from different backgrounds come together and form a family, there will be disagreements, arguments, and misunderstandings. It is easy to say, “this is too hard” and seek to end the marriage. Two people who have made covenants with each other and with God, when faced with these difficulties, can find power in the sealing placed on their marriage. The knowledge that their marriage is sealed by God’s power can help them overcome challenges. Knowing that marriage is eternal can give a broader view of life and the things that are important. Couples are more willing to work and sacrifice when they know eternal consequences are at stake.

Rome Italy Temple

I am grateful for my temple marriage, for my testimony that families are eternal, and that I am sealed to my husband, parents, siblings, and children. This knowledge helps me to strive harder to follow the Lord, Jesus Christ and to obey His commandments.

Sacramento California Temple

                               

Benson, E.T., First Presidency Message: ‘What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children About the Temple,’ Liahona, 1986.   
Bednar, D.A., Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan, 2006, lds.org, pg. 9.