Physical Intimacy and Fidelity in Marriage

Sexual Intimacy

In an article in the September 1986 Ensign, Brent A. Barlow tells of an experience he had as a missionary. He and his new companion were meeting with a Protestant Minister. After talking on different topics, the minister asked, “And what is the Mormon attitude towards sexuality?” (Barlow, 1986, p. 49). Barlow says that he was tongue-tied and not sure how to respond. His companion, realizing that Barlow was not responding, said, “Sir, we believe in it.”

Sexual intimacy is a natural and essential part of marriage. The Lord has given specific guidelines for this power. It is to be used between a husband and wife legally married. Many church leaders have spoken on this topic over the years. I will share just a few here.

“Sex is for procreation and expression of love. It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.” (Kimball, 1982, p. 311.)

“The divine impulse within every true man and woman that impels companionship with the opposite sex is intended by our Maker as a holy impulse for a holy purpose, not to be satisfied as a mere biological urge or as a lust of the flesh in promiscuous associations, but to be reserved as an expression of true love in holy wedlock.”  (Lee, 2000, p. 112).

Fidelity

Fidelity in marriage means that we are faithful, loyal, committed, respectful, and that we love our spouse with all our heart. This means that we are physically and emotionally connected with our spouse. We are to have no intimate physical relations with anyone other than our spouse. We need to guard our relationship with our spouse and not develop any relationships with others that can cause us to pull away from our spouse. In the Ensign article, Barlow suggests that another way to look at emotional fidelity is to refer to it as “spiritual fidelity. He states, “This phrase (spiritual fidelity) underscores the seriousness of the choices we make because it recognizes the eternal potential of our marital relationships as well as the importance of acting in accordance with the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Spiritual fidelity also causes us to consider the sacred covenants we have made in the temple and how the very nature of our thoughts and deeds can undermine those covenants. In other words, if a person is unfaithful spiritually he is not honoring his temple covenants even though he has not committed physical acts of intimacy” (Matheson, 2009, para. 16.)

Matheson (2009) gives us questions to consider in evaluating our own spiritual fidelity:

• Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?
• Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?
• Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?
• Do you email and text your friend when you are not together?
• Have you told your spouse about these messages?
• Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?
• Do you compare your spouse to your friend?
• Would you be comfortable introducing your spouse to your friend? 

Satan wants us to be miserable as he is. He wants to destroy us and our marriages.  

Our marriages are sacred unions and we need to be on our guard constantly.

Barlow, Brent A., Sep. 1986. “They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage”, Ensign, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Kimball, Spencer W. 2000. The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Matheson, Kenneth W. 2009. “Fidelity in Marriage – Its More Than You Think”, Ensign, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.