Transitions in Marriage: Power Relations and Children

Power Relations

In a healthy marriage relationship there is equal partnership between husband and wife. Men and women are equal in the site of God though they fulfill different roles in the family. In leading the family, they are to share the responsibility (Miller, 2008).

Gordon B. Hinckley stated, “In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey” (Hinckley, 2002, p. 52).

“Marriage, in its truest form, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have” (Hinckley, 1992, p. 6).

It is important to remember that both spouses have equal roles and that they are to work together in leading their family. This includes making decisions that affect family members and taking care of home and children.

“Since the beginning, God has instructed mankind that marriage should unite husband and wife together in unity. Therefore, there is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide and direct their family unit. They are on equal footing (Perry, 2004, p. 71).

Children

In a speech given at the BYU Conference on Family Life in March 2008, Richard B. Miller mentions several important things for partners to know.

1. Parents are the leaders in the family
2. Parents need to be united
3. The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults
4. The marital relationship should be a partnership

(Miller, 2008)

It is important for parents to be united and work together.  “It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children. If parents disagree on parenting issues, they should discuss the issues in an ‘executive session’ without the children present. Children often try to play their parents off of each other. Consequently, it is important that parents make sure that they are working together and making decisions that are consistent with each other. Except in cases of abuse, passively not supporting the other parent or actively undermining the authority of the other parent causes serious damage to children” (Miller, 2008).

As children become adults, marry, and begin their own families, parents need to step back and allow them to make their own decisions and choices. Advice can be given, when asked for, but should not be expected to be followed.

Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their father, and their chums. Sometimes, mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others… Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it (Kimball, 1977, pp. 4.5).

The Savior, Jesus Christ, said “Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (D&C 38.27) We need to be united in our marriage and in the leadership of our family. We are to have our hearts knit together in love (Eyring, 1998, p. 1). Our Heavenly Father’s plan includes eternal marriage and families. Satan would destroy families to destroy the plan. He is the one that “plants seeds of discord in the human hearts in the hope that we might be divided and separate (Eyring, 1998, p. 3). As we come to know and accept the gospel of Jesus Christ, we will be able to overcome Satan’s influence in our lives and to be sanctified through the Holy Spirit. When we seek to have the Spirit in our lives we will have more peace and harmony in our homes. We will become unified in our family, the church, and the world (Eyring, 1998, p. 11).

The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide and direct their family unit. They are on equal footing (Perry, 2004, p. 71).

Eyring, Henry B. May 1998. “That We May Be One”.   Ensign. Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Hinckley, Gordon B. August 1992. Ensign, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Hinckley, Gordon B. May 2002. Ensign, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Kimball, Spencer W.  March 1977. Ensign,Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Miller, Richard B., “Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families”, BYU Conference on Family Life, 2008

Perry, L. Tom. May 2004. Ensign, Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.